I read an article in BabyTalk magazine once about keeping your baby happy all day. It listed, like, 7 things: Exersaucer, tummy time, look in a mirror, go outside, blah blah etc. So a more accurate title would have been "How to Keep Your Baby Happy For 7 Minutes". I was reminded of it the other day after the kids and I: 1) made play-doh 2) played tractors 3) painted 4) read stories 5) played puppies 6) 'wrote' a letter 7) played hide & seek and 8) made brownies. Then I looked at the clock and it wasn't even 11 am!
(Could someone please explain how this time warp works? Loooooooong days=years that fly by? Physics (?) was never my thing, so, a little help please. And don't be afraid to dumb it down.)
Anyway, I was thinking I could write a fricking book about keeping small children happy all day- heck, make it a week!- and then maybe I would write a book about The Magic Sleep Technique (hint: Benadryl. That'll be $34.99, it's e-g-g-e-r-t) and while I'm at it I could publish the results of some of my research with an article called "Parenting Is Easier In The Summer When Kids Can Play Outside." Because apparently any idiot can just take something obvious, throw in a bunch of big words, and publish a book. Then any other idiot can regurgitate that thought in a magazine, as long as the article is next to a clean, smiling baby. (And don't even get me started on that kind of false advertising. A clean shirt on the mom AND baby? Highly unlikely.)
In other news, The Minds of Boys is a Big Fat Disappointment. Most of the content is a list of the ways that public school systems aren't set up to accomodate the learning styles of boys. What- boys have a hard time sitting still for 40+ minutes?! I am SHOCKED. Where is the insight as to why they eat mud or turn every harmless object into a WMD? How is it possible that they can detect an engine 3 miles away but can't hear me tell them to put away the blocks?
Maybe I just need a decoder ring.
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7 comments:
Hahahahahah.
This was very cute to a teenager with no kids. =]
You have the cutest way to make something annoying seem so nice.
Love ya!
Thanks Jenny! This is what I was waiting for! You are so funny and so right! I think that is one of your writing gifts - you can write something the rest of us are thinking in such a funny way! Once I read an article (I wish I would have torn it out and put it in a drawer) that told about research that showed that ADD kids did better if they were exposed to more green space. Really. Go outside. Ask any mother.
I think about this ALL THE TIME. How on earth are we supposed to fill up a day of activities? It is a mystery to me as well.
When they get bigger, they go outside and do who-knows-what. Then when they are grown you hear shocking stories of what they did...
I hear you!!! On all of it!!!
The long days... the freaking impossible task of keeping them occupied....
I was strolling through Pottery Barn yesterday with a friend (haven't done that in about 4 years!) She pointed out a giant metal "&" symbol on clearance. And it was REALLY cute. She looked at me a little strange though when I told her that it would really hurt if it got thrown at someone. She doesn't have children. I had to explain to her that EVERYTHING needs to be viewed as a potential weapon.
PLEASE write a book. I would like to have it out and ready for my reading pleasure by the time we decide to have kids. :-)
jen that was the perfect twist of extreme bitterness and cleverness. very cute tho. i'd buy your book!!
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