Matt

Last night, Matt and I lay in bed surrounded by little boys. For the sake of our eardrums, we had admitted defeat after listening to Ethan scream about the injustices of life in his own room and let him come in by us. (Sometimes it's hard to be a little guy, isn't it? Matt had whispered sympathetically, rubbing Ethan's back to calm those shuddering, choky breaths that always follow an extended shriekfest.) Evan had finally fallen asleep after a marathon scream session himself but popped back up with a smile when he realized Ethan was nearby. Happier than they had been all day, the boys giggled together and climbed around.

"When they're older, I'm going to wake them up at 5:30 for every night they keep us up like this." Matt declared. "How many goats should we get for them to milk?"

"A lot. And our pasture won't have a single thistle in it," I replied.

"Or they'll be straight-A students."

We held hands and optimistically pondered a future in which the boys wanted to sleep. We imagined the glee that would accompany our demands for them to get up! Do chores! Move bales! Mow the lawn! Wash my feet!

So often, small children systematically hammer away at the foundation of the relationship that brought them into this world in the first place. The lack of sleep and the infinite demands to watch dis, help me pweese, I wanna poooooooop, do not provide an enviroment conducive to romance or even a minute to catch up on the day's activities. But for the most part, the challenges of parenthood are bringing us closer together. Matt rarely left my side during the 30+ hours of labor that ended with Ethan in our arms and kicked off this exhilarating journey of parenthood. He was steady and encouraging and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. After Evan was born, I struggled with guilt and feelings of inadequacy and despair and guilt that I was ruining our children and helplessness and did I mention GUILT? And again, Matt was steady and encouraging and believed in me and made sure I got the help I needed. Lately I'm not doing very well at expressing just how much I appreciate him. Not many guys will work 45+ hours a week at a job they loathe, work many many hours at the ranch, and come inside to take the night shift with the babies. He is an amazing father and we are so blessed to have him. I should go tell him that right now.